So, i got fired from burger king today. lol
technically, anyways.
i'll probably have my job back by tuesday.
but i'm not so sure i wanna go back.

it'd be nice to going back to having a normal life.
a life with one job
one passion
a summer with memories
and sleep.

but it seems not so easy to come by these days.

i just want one job, one good job,
doing what i love.
i guess thats what im working towards right now.
i just cant wait for that day to come.

i haven't produced a single decent piece of work in months.
i dont have time.
maybe i use it as an excuse for my lack of ambition.
or maybe its the truth.

i really dont understand my own motives anymore.
dont really know how i consider myself an artist still at this point.

ive had a ton of inspiration lately.
thanks to a lot of assholes.
but i still can jsut never get my shit together
and set it up and make a painting.
or, finish one anyways.
i had a sweet self portrait going,
just sitting in front of me.
i should probably go work on that.

i know i probably won't.
i'm kinda stuck in this books series now.
the Left Behind series, by tim lahaye and jerry jenkins.
theres quite a few books, but i'm already on the fourth one.
on average, i finish about one of the 400 page books a day.
i cant put the damn things down.

atleast it helps me sleep at night.
its the only refuge i take in reading.
i cant believe i survived last week with as little as i slept.
i hate stressing out so much.
i was pretty good for awhile, controlling it.
mostly because ive finally learned that if i cant change or fix something,
then i shouldnt stress about it.
but the past few days its been harder to convince myself that.

ahh well,
i'm gonna go back to reading.
maybe i'll work on the self portrait a little more tonight